“Our children who brought us here,” she replied. Her eyes gazing to her son and his son that were playing together in the sandbox at playground.
He smiled at her, “I think I’ve lost you.”
“I’ve lost you one and I lost you again. I don’t want to lose you for the third time,” he answered.
She looks puzzled, “I don’t understand.”
“You don’t remember, do you?” He just smiled at her without give any more information.
He won’t said about that time she disappeared and he searched for her. And he was so relieved that he find her, but only to lose her again.
He thought she remember about it. But, too shy to said it out loud.
There’s silence for a while.
“You never lose me,” she said. “You let me go.”
“I didn’t let you go. When you disappear for second time, I … just thought you deserve someone who ain’t me.”
She didn’t replied. She only said it in her head. That maybe he’s right. Maybe she deserve someone who ain’t him. Maybe he deserve someone who ain’t her. Maybe they aren’t soulmate. Maybe they don’t click like they thought they will.
Silence again. Their children made sandcastle and now were playing at sliding board.
“You owe me so much stories,” he broke the silence. “But for now, please be here. With me.”
She nodded and look at him.
It’s been years until she lost counting. She thought she never meet him again. Never look at his face again. Never look at his smile again.
She never thought fate will be kind to bring them together to meet at the city park. She thought he still lived in far away land. She didn’t know he was come back.
“Remind me to ask your number before we parted,” he said.
“My number still the same,” she replied. “So, you can calling me again whenever you want.”
Their children coming and said they were done playing. They hope their children want to stay a little bit, but not.
“This isn’t farewell, is it?” he asked worriedly.
She nodded. “Yeah, we will meet again. We can talk again.”
A moment before they parted, she brace up herself to say, “I dreamt of you, sometimes.”
“Yes, and I remember too that you ever said, if we can’t meet in real life, we can meet at Ruang Rindu.”
“I don’t expect you to remember that.”
“I remember many things about you,” he said.
She nodded again and smiled. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he replied.
“And please, don’t disappear again. Our sons can play together again sometimes. Right?” This time, he asked his son who nodded happily.
She smiled to her son. But her mind was wondering about when her reverie will come into reality.
“I really lost you, right?” She whispered to no one.
Sudah lama saya merasakan hal tersebut. Iri melihat orang-orang yang aktif membuat konten di media sosial mereka, entah Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, Blog, apa pun.
Rasa ingin menampilkan diri, ingin menunjukkan diri, ingin memberi tahu seluruh dunia siapa saya dan apa yang bisa saya lakukan, selalu ada.
Namun, setiap kali perasaan itu muncul, setiap kali juga perasaan tidak ingin dikenal, tidak ingin diketahui, mengikuti.
Sungguh sebuah kontradiksi yang sangat aneh.
Kadang ingin jadi orang yang ‘misterius’, tak banyak jejak digitalnya, tak diketahui orang banyak, kecuali yang memang dikenal secara langsung atau tatap muka.
Kadang ingin terkenal dengan kedok ingin memberi manfaat seluas-luasnya. Lalu dipuji dan dianggap keren.
Saat ini, antara muncul ke permukaan atau bersembunyi, sepertinya saya lebih banyak bersembunyi. Hanya memperhatikan sekitar dalam diam. Kadang merasa terinspirasi, kadang merasa iri, sambil berkhayal suatu hari nanti akan seperti itu.
Yah, kita lihat saja nanti. Apa pun yang terjadi, semoga saja bukan karena dorongan rasa iri yang tidak bisa dibendung dan keinginan untuk dipuji setinggi langit.
Semoga, jika memang saya akhirnya muncul ke permukaan, itu saat benar-benar ingin memberi manfaat sebesar-besarnya dengan tulus tanpa berharap apa pun.
Meski hanya sekadar jumlah like dan followers di media sosial. Aamiin.